it is so amazing. i never believed it at first.
but when i attended the feast, it was taught to tithe.
now, as a catholic, tithing never made sense to me before. i first heard of this when i attended a christian church wherein their offering was given in envelopes rather than in baskets which were passed around. when i asked the church goer, they said that the bible advised to give 10% of monthly income.
initially, i thought (at the time when i had no income): omg, 10%???? that is a lot!
so i just gave what i could, but this little factoid planted a seed that would eventually grow eventually.
after some time, i found myself being invited by several friends to the feast, the current catholic church that i now attend. upon attending, i was surprised that they also encouraged tithing. so i decided to try it.
and it is amazing how quickly things come back to you when you give it out. call it positivity. call it the secret. call it god's grace. call it anything you want. but i always think, "grabe, ang bilis talaga mag balik ni god ng binibigay mo!"
to illustrate:
1. last week, i was really down in the dumps because i have no in patients. (go figure, starting practice.) however, i promised myself that i would give a bit for yolanda victims. i mean, come on. if you watch tv and have a bit of a conscience, you would really be encouraged to do so. so i did. and less than 30 minutes later, i got a text message saying that i got my first hd philhealth payment which was 7x of what i gave for yolanda!!!!
2. i was busy cleaning out my closet because, once again, i wanted to do my share of giving clothes and items which i think would be useful for the yolanda victims. my sister did the same thing. in the middle of it all, one has to understand that my sister and i don't always shop. but we need to.
yesterday, we gave a bulk of the donations. today, my eldest sister and i opened the balikbayan box my sister sent us from the US. lo and behold, she sent her old clothes which she no longer used, and i found myself getting 5 pairs of pants, 1 skirt and 1 top! (complete at may isang set pa ng underwear. oha!) amazing! capris nga lang lahat. (go figure.....) na walang gastos! amazing, right?
3. this last thing has nothing to do with tithe, but the happiness of having a bit more than the funds i got at fellowship (which amounted to almost....um....nil). last monday, i was at work in the mall and getting something from my car. i went back to the mall. when i was about to go home, i found that i could not find my keys (car keys and clinic keys). i was frantic and praying to god that i would find the key, since it was the last key of the car that i had. (this reminds me, i should get it duplicated!) i approached a guard in the parking lot and asked to borrow his flashlight to check if the car keys were inside. they were not. i was on the verge of tears and prayed to god with all my might to find the keys. i did not have the energy to go around the entire grounds of SM fairview to look for a set of keys!!!! the guard then told me to go to the customer service before going to mr quickie (to have the car door opened) in case someone gave my keys. before i could go to the customer service, i found out that the street sweeper, a young guy in his early 20s, found my keys about five feet from my car where i must have dropped them! the keys were handed to me in perfect condition. i wanted to hug the guy (but of course, prevented myself from doing so in pure cougar-ness). in all surprise, i found myself opening my wallet and handing him a bill. he looked at the bill and said, "maam, grabe naman ang laki nito!" in pure joy, i just said, "ibigay mo na lang yan sa nanay mo."
i don't know if i was just bitten by the blessing bug, but i just thought to myself, "grabe, umasenso na siguro ako, kasi kaya ko na magbigay ng pera."
it's amazing.
so what is the point of this post?
i suppose this is the point. this post is addressed to all my doctor friends who are now in what we view as the starting pit of our practice. this is the worst it will get guys. there is nowhere to go but up, my dear friends. of course, we are so far behind from our consultants who have tons and tons and tons of patients. but if we look from whence we came (like the dark ages of fellowship), we have come so far. and we will go farther.
promise.
(pano nga lang kaya ito ma tatranslate sa love life????)
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Angels.
sometimes you wonder why.
but there is no way to know why.
you just roll with the punches and thank the heavens joy was given to you for a short time. :)
but there is no way to know why.
you just roll with the punches and thank the heavens joy was given to you for a short time. :)
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Mothers
September 8 marks the birthday of mama mary. Now this has really impacted me given that i graduated from a marian school named after mama mary. We have no school on september 8.
Many of my friends know that my mom and my maternal grandmother have played a very big role in my my life. I always say that if can become half of what they were, i would be in good shape. A such, even three years after their passing, i find myself still very affected when i remember both of them. Its funny. I used to think that adults who lose parents can handle it better than the children do. I tok my losing my mom to go figure that this is not the case.
My mom played a very huge role in encouraging me to become a nephrologist. I was exposed to the specialty. But now, i find myself treating each of the patients, especially the 60-something diabetic females as i would my mom. I guess i feel that the last 13 years of my life were spent more for m patient than my family, and this was the time that my mom got sick. That time should have been devoted t my mom. But by the time i was finished, it was too late and she was gone. Call it compensation, call it guilt, call it love, call it service, call it whatever you like. People would think that i call my patients "mom" out of habit, but those patients, in one way or another, are really my moms. ;)
Treating each of the new patients as my mom.
Funny. This truly came to the test for me seeing a patient for home visit today. I got a referral for a home visit to a place near my village. Of course i had to not reveal that i also lived in the same village so that the pf would not be discounted.
I found myself entering their beautiful home and eventually interacting with the daughter who could have been a few batches higher or lower than me in my alma mater. Luckily for me, there was no flicker or recognition on their faces.
And then i saw her. A very pretty lady in her 50s, but it seemed like she wasn't there. She was just a shell of a person. Not laughing, not cryng, looking but not seeing.
I went through the motions of the history and physical exam. But all throughout the consult, all i was thinking is how lucky i was.
Even if the realization came too late. You see, my mom was depressed for 7 years. Yes, she was difficult. Yes, she would cry. Yes, she would not want to get up and take a bath. Yes, i always thought that she was a shadow of her previous self.
But at least my mom was there.
As i ended the consult and left, i said to the daughter, "she is lucky to have you, i will pray for your family. And mom!" Who incidentally had the same name as mine.
So in celebration of motherhood, i give my appreciation and celebration to all the mothers out there.
And to those kids with moms, give them a hug now. :)
-----
As a side note, i was amazed to find out that let it be, one of my favorite songs, was written by paul mccartney for his mom who was really named mary. But amazingly, that song is for everyone who believes in mama mary. :)
thoughts and traffic
I am now driving in traffic. For three hours. In the traffic, i have read my emails, listened to meditation exercises. And i am still here.
Thoughts are playing in my head. So with my ipad on the steering wheel, i now write my whirlpool of thoughts. And the topic is faith.
I used to think that walking closely with the lord was a progression of stages or some grade or competency level to be reached. For example, if i reach grade 1, no one can take that away from me. All i have to do is to work on reaching grade 2.
However, as i seek to find god more, i realize that it really isnt a grade thing. It is a constant reminder thing. As such, it is really helpful you surround oneself with people you can talk these things over with. Or blog about it!!!
I hope that my faith is better. But if there is one thing i learned from my experience with cutie, it tales constant work. One cannot just assume that if a relationship lasts longer, it takes more work but the rewards are greater. I think it is also the same with the relationship with the lord.
I think i am growing in faith because i feel more happy and centered. I think i love more. I still have occasional bouts of self-pity but i think that it is less. I can even journal in the middle of this hellish traffic and i have been directionlessly driving for 3 hours now. A least i have me time.
I hope i walking the right way. :) or driving the right way. Kahit na traffic.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Heartburn
Pity is the suckiest feeling.
It must be worst than heartburn.
today, i had one of my really masunurin patients at the unit.
sadly, last week, when trying to initiate dialysis on this patient, there was a problem with her access.
as routine work would have it, i got the necessary information and referred the patient back to the institution where her dialysis was initiated.
endorsement went something like this:
me: hello, refer ko lang po si patient so and so. xx year old female, on chronic dialysis. wala pong outflow ang venous port ng patient.
resident receiving referral: ano po ang history
me: history history history.
resident: ok po.
me: yung meds on board pala bla bla bla.
resident: kelan po naadmit
me: nung august. (thought bubble: ang galing ko mag endorse! complete na complete!)
resident: health card po ba siya nung naadmit?
me: ha?
resident: health card? cash out? philhealth?
me: (awkward pause) ah, waith lang ha. tawagan ko po yung husband. (i call husband and whisper while covering the mouth piece) dad, cashout po ba kayo o healthcard?
husband: healthcard po, pero naubos na ang budget namin.
me: ahh, ok. (back to phone) maam, health card po daw.
resident: waith, paka usap lang natin sa health budget specialist (or something of that sort).
me: (hands over phone to husband)
husband: mhmmm. mhmmm. eh, wala na po kami pera. hindi ba pwede papalitan na lang nang di naadmit? (looks at me, and gives me the phone).
health specialist: maam, parang wala na pong budget si dad.
me: sige lang, kausapin ko muna siya, tawag ako later. (i hang up phone)
me: dad, gusto niyo po ba sa ibang ospital na mas mura (of course, bilang government lang ang exposure ko)
husband: eh, dun na lang po sa ______ (old hospital), para po the best para kay misis.
with a heavy heart, i sent the patient to the hospital where knew that the care was more pricey, but ultimately, the same from other institutions. minus the unnecessary trimmings.
today, i learn that they spent 11800 for a service that they could have gotten for less than half the price at another institution. but it's okay. dialysis was resumed.
or so i thought.
prior to initiating dialysis, again, there was no outflow from the cathether.
argh.
thought bubble: another 11800?
i called the surgeon who did the procedure, and sent them there. again. after less than two weeks. with the husband softly whispering "ay bakit naman ganon?". but he had no complaints. they even gave me a smile on their way out. for more heartburn.
on my way out, i see them by the mall doors, standing and waiting for the heavy rains to stop so that they could head to the clinic. and try to catch the doctor during his clinic hours. in the heavy rain. i rushed out with my umbrella handing it to them so they could reach the clinic on time. t
it seemed to be real theatrical.
it added more heaviness to my heart. i thought i was having an anginal attack.
i ranted for minutes on end to my colleagues. who like me had no other choice.
why is health care in the philippines so unfair?
11800 in one hospital, 2500 in another.
medication in a vial sometimes sell for 600, at other institutions 1800.
same same, but different different.
why do bad things happen to good people?
man, i wish i knew.
to end, i blurted out to my colleague: pano ba patayin ang awa.
he said: buti na lang naaawa tayo, because we are human.
but sometimes, it just doesn't feel that way.
It must be worst than heartburn.
today, i had one of my really masunurin patients at the unit.
sadly, last week, when trying to initiate dialysis on this patient, there was a problem with her access.
as routine work would have it, i got the necessary information and referred the patient back to the institution where her dialysis was initiated.
endorsement went something like this:
me: hello, refer ko lang po si patient so and so. xx year old female, on chronic dialysis. wala pong outflow ang venous port ng patient.
resident receiving referral: ano po ang history
me: history history history.
resident: ok po.
me: yung meds on board pala bla bla bla.
resident: kelan po naadmit
me: nung august. (thought bubble: ang galing ko mag endorse! complete na complete!)
resident: health card po ba siya nung naadmit?
me: ha?
resident: health card? cash out? philhealth?
me: (awkward pause) ah, waith lang ha. tawagan ko po yung husband. (i call husband and whisper while covering the mouth piece) dad, cashout po ba kayo o healthcard?
husband: healthcard po, pero naubos na ang budget namin.
me: ahh, ok. (back to phone) maam, health card po daw.
resident: waith, paka usap lang natin sa health budget specialist (or something of that sort).
me: (hands over phone to husband)
husband: mhmmm. mhmmm. eh, wala na po kami pera. hindi ba pwede papalitan na lang nang di naadmit? (looks at me, and gives me the phone).
health specialist: maam, parang wala na pong budget si dad.
me: sige lang, kausapin ko muna siya, tawag ako later. (i hang up phone)
me: dad, gusto niyo po ba sa ibang ospital na mas mura (of course, bilang government lang ang exposure ko)
husband: eh, dun na lang po sa ______ (old hospital), para po the best para kay misis.
with a heavy heart, i sent the patient to the hospital where knew that the care was more pricey, but ultimately, the same from other institutions. minus the unnecessary trimmings.
today, i learn that they spent 11800 for a service that they could have gotten for less than half the price at another institution. but it's okay. dialysis was resumed.
or so i thought.
prior to initiating dialysis, again, there was no outflow from the cathether.
argh.
thought bubble: another 11800?
i called the surgeon who did the procedure, and sent them there. again. after less than two weeks. with the husband softly whispering "ay bakit naman ganon?". but he had no complaints. they even gave me a smile on their way out. for more heartburn.
on my way out, i see them by the mall doors, standing and waiting for the heavy rains to stop so that they could head to the clinic. and try to catch the doctor during his clinic hours. in the heavy rain. i rushed out with my umbrella handing it to them so they could reach the clinic on time. t
it seemed to be real theatrical.
it added more heaviness to my heart. i thought i was having an anginal attack.
i ranted for minutes on end to my colleagues. who like me had no other choice.
why is health care in the philippines so unfair?
11800 in one hospital, 2500 in another.
medication in a vial sometimes sell for 600, at other institutions 1800.
same same, but different different.
why do bad things happen to good people?
man, i wish i knew.
to end, i blurted out to my colleague: pano ba patayin ang awa.
he said: buti na lang naaawa tayo, because we are human.
but sometimes, it just doesn't feel that way.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Opportunity Cost
It has been a little over a year since i started private practice.
i remember the days when i felt like i never had enough money. so little that:
1. a friend and i would just lur and chat at the side walk. and rant about how purita we feel. and laugh when we would bump into each other at different racket sites across qc. cost: 5 pesos each. kung may candy, plus 2 pesos each.
2. a friend and i would just buy 7-11 coffee and chat for hours on end OUTSIDE 7-11 on a sidewalk until the late hours at night. cost: 30+ pesos
3. reunions would happen post precepts at a school over free lunch provided by the administration. cost: free.
4. sun to sun phone calls ranting to other people: ganito ba talaga ang pagsisimula ng private practice? cost: free. basta sun to sun.
one year later, i find myself doing the following
1. giving advice to friends who are starting a racket. "never say no. just say no when you have another racket that will pay more that the one you will cancel."
2. having friends who don't know what to do with opportunities so they pass them on to me for more happiness.
3. having many opportunities myself that i get confused at what to get.
4. limiting my business opportunities to areas near me because of the dreaded TRAFFIC!
5. giving others opportunities i can no longer afford to take myself.
6. investing on 5 digit things rather than 3 digit things to generate more income.
7. thinking of investing on 6 digit things to generate MORE income.
8. speaking like a veteran when sometimes i don't know what i am doing.
9. still being patay gutom, but with friends who consider a lrt stored value card as something of a status symbol of being a regular commuter.
10. having enough time to blog and to become a professional retreatant.
11. lending other people money.
12. having difficult time catching those other people you used to make sun-to-sun telebabad to. dahil toxic ka na sa practice. or dahil toxic din sila. hehehehe.
i guess some kind of growth has come along the way.
and that i am thankful for.
but sometimes, i miss the old days.
kaya gimik tayo safm, botd, frichmond and ms Q!
special mention to princess di and rose with thorn in this post. :)
special sun to sun mention to mrs j, mrs t, faithfularlene and wordpressingaggiepie! :)
may the coming year give us more growth and more happy memories to look back to!
i remember the days when i felt like i never had enough money. so little that:
1. a friend and i would just lur and chat at the side walk. and rant about how purita we feel. and laugh when we would bump into each other at different racket sites across qc. cost: 5 pesos each. kung may candy, plus 2 pesos each.
2. a friend and i would just buy 7-11 coffee and chat for hours on end OUTSIDE 7-11 on a sidewalk until the late hours at night. cost: 30+ pesos
3. reunions would happen post precepts at a school over free lunch provided by the administration. cost: free.
4. sun to sun phone calls ranting to other people: ganito ba talaga ang pagsisimula ng private practice? cost: free. basta sun to sun.
one year later, i find myself doing the following
1. giving advice to friends who are starting a racket. "never say no. just say no when you have another racket that will pay more that the one you will cancel."
2. having friends who don't know what to do with opportunities so they pass them on to me for more happiness.
3. having many opportunities myself that i get confused at what to get.
4. limiting my business opportunities to areas near me because of the dreaded TRAFFIC!
5. giving others opportunities i can no longer afford to take myself.
6. investing on 5 digit things rather than 3 digit things to generate more income.
7. thinking of investing on 6 digit things to generate MORE income.
8. speaking like a veteran when sometimes i don't know what i am doing.
9. still being patay gutom, but with friends who consider a lrt stored value card as something of a status symbol of being a regular commuter.
10. having enough time to blog and to become a professional retreatant.
11. lending other people money.
12. having difficult time catching those other people you used to make sun-to-sun telebabad to. dahil toxic ka na sa practice. or dahil toxic din sila. hehehehe.
i guess some kind of growth has come along the way.
and that i am thankful for.
but sometimes, i miss the old days.
kaya gimik tayo safm, botd, frichmond and ms Q!
special mention to princess di and rose with thorn in this post. :)
special sun to sun mention to mrs j, mrs t, faithfularlene and wordpressingaggiepie! :)
may the coming year give us more growth and more happy memories to look back to!
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