I have been a bit depressed. I know it because of the time i spend in bed, or the feeling that i cant get out of bed, or the feeling that i am drowning and cannot breathe. it was particularly true yesterday when i didn't do any thing that i liked and got up at 12 noon. on a work day.
i had to force myself to go to work because my phone was ringing with calls and texts that i had to see patients. i missed a conference i said that i would attend and i skipped two clinics.
i just wrote this because i didn't what to forget this mental picture.
in the peak of my sadness, i paid a visit to an old patient of mine who was admitted in the charity service. at times, i just paid her a visit to uplift her spirits. i passed by to say that i was going to be on leave for two weeks, due to a family trip.
She smiled.
Beside her, was another lola patient, with difficulty of breathing hooked to oxygen support and seated on tripod position. in the middle of difficulty breaths, she had a big smile and looked at me with bright eyes, with a cheery "Have a happy trip doktora!"
i felt ashamed of myself, in some way. i felt touched. i felt tears come to my eyes.
i put on my best smile, looked at her and said, "Mommy, sama ka sa akin!" Maybe i would need her good cheer, her optimism and that light in her eyes on this trip.
i know that each struggle is real, as well as mine was, but she made me remember that life is tough all over. And it was tough for her, but she smiled. And smiling was her choice. As it can be mine.
that picture of that mommy is burnt through my brain in and heart. but i write it today because i don't want to forget.
it is during these days that i am thankful that i am a doctor. because of what the patients give to me. it is more than what i give to them.
