new year's eve

i am here in the dialysis unit, waiting for less than ten minutes before the unhooking of the last patient.  excited to go home to start the new year's celebration.  that is a first in a long time...looking forward to going home for a new year's celebration.  however, if there is a gift that i have been given this year, i suppose it is the better regard for things around.  i used to write in my old, darketh blog.  i actually contemplated on continuing doing so, but it hardly seemed right.  so here i am, continuing my new one.  which seems like the better thing to do.

right now, i am contemplating also whether to invite a new set of audience into this blog.  for now though, i guess i will contemplate further.   while doing so, i write a letter to the 2012 that has been.

dear 2012,
thank you very much for the zillions of new experiences this year.  thank you for all the old people who are still here to share the new kwentos with me.  namely: safm, frichmond, botd, htgof, queen.  i never knew that life could be so much fun and happy, but at the same time, have their windows of sad contemplation.  nevertheless, it was such a new experience of being open to a new place after twelve years of being stuck in some comfort zone (which wasn't really that comfortable!).

thank you so much for the sadness to make me realize what happy means.  thank you so much for the friends to be angsty with so that i have something to laugh about after.  thank you for bringing me to groups of people who can be sooooo positive that their positivity bathes you in comfort that you want more of it.  thank you for bringing me to groups of people who can be funnily nega that you laugh until tears roll out of your eyes, endorphins rush to your blood, that you end up feeling positive after.

thank you for the people i reconnected with, the people i let go of but learned gazillions from.  thank you for the new people i never thought could exist (helpers, blind dates, patients, nurses...).

____________

happy new year to one and all.  i hope to fulfill my new year's resolution to drop a line once in a while in this new blog just to check what my insides are saying when things get too busy.

here's to a more phenomenal 2013!

renaissance

funny how people live out their lives with repetitive thoughts and actions.

these days, so many things are happening in my life....so many different things.... that i wanted to blog about them.  imagine when i opened up my figuratively dusty, stuck in the past blog!

i discovered that i started out a new blog before and totally forgot about it.

i had a grand time reading the things that i wrote.  i have done many new things, been places, met new people in the last year.  i have gone out of my comfort zone a zillion times.  i woke up some mornings with an ache in my heart, other days with pure elation.

i have grown.

this is not to say that i no longer look at the past and no longer yearn for it.  i still do.

however, i find myself letting go more and more each day.  not as fast as i would like.  not as effortlessly as i would want.  but letting go more and more, and still learning.

everyday is a struggle to do shavasanah, to surrender.

let it be so.

on to the present.  and the future.