Purging Heavy Feelings in my Heart

Today is the first monday i have with no school.  i was so tired yesterday, i guess of emotional issues that i just slept and thought i would sleep in today, excitedly doing so because i didn't have class.  before, sleeping in used to feel so good.

now as i awaken, i didn’t feel good.  i felt that the time passed me by.  its already 10 am and i have not accomplished anything.  however, i think to myself, the day is still young and i can do a lot more.

i missed the opportunity to do early plana with a friend because i woke up late.

i missed the chance to pass my requirement today in manila because i woke up late.

i now turn to writing to once again rechannel and refocus what to do.  loss of a routine makes me feel confused as today does because i didn’t plan what to do today.

i guess i feel so tired and dejected because of home issues.  i realize that the home issues when you are back from training and living a real life will never go away.  things will always have to be done. there will not be any shifting out from the rotation modes when everything will be brand new.

last week, i feel my energy being sapped by family issues (parents growing old is indeed a real thing), illnesses, icu patients that draw strength from you, friends who are unavailable, not by choice, but because of their dealings with their own busy-ness.  i guess that is where the word business comes from.

when you do meet, it is always as if time together isn’t enough or you are always in a rush to proceed to the next concern.

i don’t remember when it became like this.  but it really became more marked as practice grew.  yes, the revenue did grow, but the time became so precious that you would have to decide how to spend it.  i guess that is why i feel a little guilty about sleeping in.  TUMPAK!

To often in life, i find that you have to reflect on your emotional why and just limit activities to that in order to streamline oneself and stress less.

what is my emotional why nowadays?

checking in with god.  and myself.  check.

relationships.  family.  friends.  okay, this is a bit of a problem.  friends, help me out here?  hopefully one day to have a family.  (oh lord, please let this be one day soon) 

manggamot.  okay.

become more healthy.  plana and yummy diets!

four items on the list.  I guess this is doable. 

let us do it!

resolve: to wake up early.  hence….i should sleep early. :)

there is really something to be said about writing as a release.  i feel better already. ;0)