REbirth

Long ago, in grade 4, to be exact, i remember that i often got good grades in all the writing i have done.  i would always write and journal. Maybe this was because this was the age before digital technology.  keeping everything in history within your reach depended more on handwriting rather than computers, more on film rather than digi-photos, more on paper rather than online social networking sites.  given that, i don’t know what happened.  maybe real life got in the way.  maybe the writing drive in me just died.  or maybe it didn’t die.  maybe that writing freak was buried deep within, overthrown by the me that became the doctor, the teacher, the house-maintainer, the sister, the daughter.  the writer in me just died.  or hopefully more aptly, maybe the writer in me just went to sleep.

so tonight, i call on to jesus, like the relatives of lazarus did, hoping for an awakening of that dead writer self.  there are so much thoughts to be shared, so much heavy feelings to be unloaded, so many fast, turbulent and imaginative thoughts that can only be tamed as they are put on paper.  

alas, i realize that writing is not really something that comes easily.  yes, it does come naturally.  right now, i can barely stop my fingers from typing.  however, the discipline of prioritising it, making the time, quieting the mind for the fingers to begin putting down the thoughts is as active effort.  beginning is an active effort.  however, once i begin, there is no stopping it.  i hope that inertia continues this writing so that the documentation will continue and i will never have to restart.  i hope that the writing will continue so that the thoughts will be down on paper and hopefully clutter less of the mind.  i hope that i will continue writing so that, in some way, i can cleanse myself of the negative feelings that i have and explode out into the world the overwhelming positive feelings i have (if any at all!).

It is not a question of whether i can.  i know i can.  it is now an answer that i will. :)