If You Know It, Then Do It

Yesterday, i went out with several of my girl friends.  Being girl friends that we are who have not seen each other for the longest time, and that we were friends since as far back as we could remember, we were talking non-stop from the time we saw each other until the time i dropped them off to their respective houses.  talk about motor-mouth marathon.  there were threads on threads on threads of discussion.

one of the conversations we had was the confession i had with father during the retreat.

me: ok girls, kwento ko lang yung confession sa retreat.

altaP: um, as in sasabihin mo yung sins mo?

frichmond: (listens closely)

me: sabi ko, bless me father for i have sinned....my sins are !@#$%^&* (no, you should have been at the dinner to hear my sins!)

it just struck me as funny because when i was younger, i was pretty embarrassed at my sins.  now, no longer.  call it the senior citizen confidence versus the insecurity of youth. :)  i don't know what happened.

i guess the more important thing i consider is that i struggle to make the change.  and i am honest about it.  

baka kumapal lang talaga ang mukha ko.  or maybe, there is this new acceptance of self?  

beats me. 

Own Your Experiences

Just this month, i remember ranting that in my pure kamukhang-perahan that the earnings for the month of august (what with habagat and pork barrel and all the holidays) were smaller than that of july.  i was so apprehensive because my expenses went way above what i intended.  panic stricken, i was eventually forced to let it go because the worry was getting better of me.

I prayed to god for more money.  then i let go.

imagine my surprise when i received a particular check from a particular racket-place.  i received twice the value of what i was expecting!  apparently, i got back pay from professional fees as far back as three months ago!  

first words in my brain were "Thank God!"

And to make matters more exciting, rshell, a med rep friend, approached me today, and without my asking, offered me a slot in one of the post grad courses!

Writing these things down makes it real.  I never ceased to be amazed.  Just when i feel that i can no longer breathe because of my need to control things, I let go.  And He makes His presence felt.  Amazing!

In fact, to prove the point, i read this in one of my God Whispers Messages:

"Do not expect other people to give as much or more than you do.  Life is really not fair.  If it were, you would not be getting as many blessings as you are."

True. :)

Are My Receiving Channels On?

Lately in life, i found myself asking God for the important things. 

But lately, i think I have found that i had a closed heart.  As such, i think it was really positively providential that i came across this list of questions.

Here is a checklist to make sure you have your receiving channels open:

1.  Do you receive compliments well?
When i was younger, i was part of that population that population that always shunned compliments:

friend: uy, friend, you are such a nice person!
me: realleah???
friend: az in!
me: di namaaaaaaaaan!

a big and important birthing pain to my new self came from one of my good friends, miss ross.  now, miss ross was into new age, improving oneself, and being one with the Lord.  I guess she was one of the many people that got me into this new age phase of my life.

Now, miss ross is hardly the sweety-tuuu-tums pa-effect type.  She is a hard core person, bent on succeeding (although sometimes, her impulses get the better of her!).  And she utilizes all these redeiving channels principles in her daily life.  Example:

Me: wow miss ross! I love your dress!  
Miss ross (without eyelash): thanks!!!
Me: and your shoes!
Miss ross: thank you!

Man, you can compliment her on anything, even the small-ness of her facial pores or her fast walking and she will just automatically say "thank you!"

As such, i try to emulate her behaviorally.  Even if at times there is that little voice in my head that used to say "hindi naman!" 

Amazingly though, that voice inside my head eventually became quiet that i believed whatever compliment was given to me!!!

2.Do you receive gifts easily?

This is pretty embarrassing, but i only received a bouquet of flowers romantically (which i really loved by the way!) once in my life.  I wish that it can really be romantic, but it embarrasses me to remember what i said:

Cutefunnyguy (alang hihirit!): (holds flowers!)
Me: omgeeee, is that for your mom? 

Right now, i have to practic saying thank you.  I guess it is kind of easier right now because my peers are kind of earning more, and i don't think that when they give, they would end up not having anything to eat.

luckily for me, i think that my capacity to receive gifts improved one fateful tuesday when i went to makati.  CFG assisted with with my much needed escapade of getting back my license, treated me to lunch.  as much as it was an effort to pay for the bill or resist, i just let myself be.  and it was different, but happy. :)

3.  Do you accept help when it is offered?

this exercise becomes a challenge for me everytime i board the train and a gentleman offers his seat.  every time someone does that, i feel happy, but at the same time shy to take the seat.  i often just say thank you (and they are often just kebs), but take the seat anyway. 
4.  Do you accept a meal when it is being paid for by a friend?

yes, but with one resistance question: are you sure? or, di na.
then, if the person insists, i say thank you.  i guess the challenge is to say thank you right off the bat at the initial offer.  

i guess my receiving channels are opening up. :)  

Anti-Oink.

i am happy that even if things seem impossible and the solution seems to be buried in a puzzled maze of problems, we are still willing to make our voices heard. i guess somewhere inside, we believe that there is hope for change. or if there is none, we make our own hope. go philippines!

Happy National Hero's Day!  and Happy Birthday to one of my long-time friends, DJ!

Values Ed Continues.

I distinctly remember high school.  we had a subject called values education wherein we were forced to do journalling.

now back then, i really hated journalling.

i didn't do it.  so at the end of the quarter, i found myself forced to finish writing 30 plus pages in one night.  when i had nothing to write about.  i think i was quite issue-less at that time of my youth.  i guess i didn't even know what the word issue meant.  my writing technique then became redundant, word filled.  palabok is the word i would use to describe it.

and then life happened.  i graduated from high school.  journalling was no longer required.  issues came rolling in, one after another.  then another.  then another.  but no words were written.

and then...i attended a retreat yesterday.  and i was asked to write.  not forced to.  i had no need to answer to anyone.

and then....i was amazed to see that i was stripped of all the unessentials.  i just wrote very short passages from the heart.

i was also amazed that my very long dream list from before became short.  and i was happy!

not because i had lack of dreams.  but because i had fulfilled so many of them.
not because i needed to impress other people with a long list of achievements.  but because i chose the few, important things that really warrant my attention.

and i found myself itching to write.

so i am.  writing.  and at this point, i feel that i won't stop.

i never thought i would look for a journal to write.  i don't need an audience.  just a medium.

hence, the rebirth of the new me sucks it up. :)

Zen Writing: to borrow from Leo Babauta...will write daily.

Why You Should Write Daily

By Leo Babauta

One of the most instrumental changes in my life has been writing every single day.

For many years I was a writer who didn’t write that regularly. It was always on the back of my mind to write, but I didn’t find the time.

Then I started this blog in January 2007, and have written pretty much every day since then.

It was life-changing.

I recommend daily writing for anyone, not just writers. Here’s what I’ve found from my daily habit:

• Writing helps you reflect on your life and changes you’re making. This is incredibly valuable, as often we do things without realizing why, or what effects these things are having on us.
• Writing clarifies your thinking. Thoughts and feelings are nebulous happenings in our mind holes, but writing forces us to crystalize those thoughts and put them in a logical order.
• Writing regularly makes you better at writing. And writing is a powerful skill to be good at in our digital age.
• Writing for an audience (even if the audience is just one person) helps you to think from the perspective of the audience. That’s when the magic starts, because once you get into the reader’s mindset, you begin to understand readers and customers and colleagues and friends better. You have empathy and a wider understanding of the world.
• Writing persuasively — to convince others of your point of view — helps you to get better at persuading people to change their minds. Many people don’t want to change their minds when they feel someone is attacking their position, so they get defensive and dig into their position.
• Writing daily forces you to come up with new ideas regularly, and so that forces you to solve the very important problem of where to get ideas. What’s the answer to that problem? Ideas are everywhere! In the people you talk to, in your life experiments, in things you read online, in new ventures and magazines and films and music and novels. But when you write regularly, your eyes are open to these ideas.
• Writing regularly online helps you to build an audience who is interested in what you have to share, and how you can help them. This is good for any business, anyone who is building a career, anyone who loves to socialize with others who are interested in similar things as them.

And that’s just the start. The full benefits of this regular habit are, ironically, not something you can put into words, but something that must be experienced to be known.

How to Write Daily

There are various ways to get into the daily writing habit, but here’s what I’d recommend based on my experience:

1. Commit to writing daily. Many people try to write a few times a week, or once a week. That’s too infrequent and it won’t become a habit that way. Instead, tell yourself, “I’m going to write every single day, no exceptions”. And then actually stick to this commitment.
2. Set aside the time. Really important. You have to block off a small chunk of time for this, or it won’t happen. I suggest morning, as soon as you can, so that other things don’t get in the way. However, if you’re a night owl, late nights are fine too, as long as you’re not too tired.
3. Start small. OK, you knew I was going to say this, but it’s really important. All you have to do is start writing each day — you don’t have to write 1,000 words or anything. Just start, and how much you do doesn’t matter. Once the habit is in place, you can lengthen it, but for now just start.
4. Blog. You can write in a journal or text document just for yourself, but I highly recommend blogging. Get a free account at WordPress.com orTumblr, and just start. Why blog? Because it really helps you to write regularly, and forces you to think in different ways, when you have an audience. Even if the audience is small. It’s scary, I know, but just do it. You’ll grow comfortable with it over time, and you should never let fear stop you from doing something amazing.
5. Shut down distractions. The writer is best friends with distraction. He knows its powerful call, and must master the urge to follow it. So shut down everything that isn’t your writing tool, all tabs, all email programs and social media, and just write.

That’s all you need to get started. Over time, you’ll learn the power of interaction with your audience, and draw inspiration and lessons from the audience. But for now, just get started.

The Sea Change Program: Daily Writing

If you’d like help forming this great habit, I’d like to offer my Sea Change Program, which I’ve created to help people form habits and change their lives.

In May, we’ll be focusing on the Daily Writing Habit, and I invite you to join us. More info on the program here.

In addition, I’ve just added the Beginner’s Habit Program to Sea Change, for those who would like to learn the basic skills of habit formation. I highly recommend it if you’ve had trouble forming habits.

have faith. let go.

the feast lessons last sunday really spoke to my heart, so i want to preserve them here:

Trustful Lessons this Sunday:

1. We have four reasons why we do "Bahala Na!!!"
a. Sloth (Laziness)
b. Sloppy (we tend to do decisions so quickly without consulting)
c. Sacrifice
d. Surrender

2. Sacrifice and surrender are the great and positive reasons of doing "Bahala Na!!!"

3. Always remember that there are some things in your life that is never designed by God to be under your control.

4. Nothing is out of control if God is under control of everything.

5. Behind the curtain, God is going everything.

6. There are two kinds of Miracles: Invisible and Visible.

7. The greatest miracle that you receive is your life.

8. Walk in Faith, not by sight.

9. Before your problem existed, God has already prepared a solution to that problem.

10. God is an advance planner.

11. There are two types of surrender: Ask in Trust and Act in Trust

12. Always believe the Law of Reciprocity. What you give, it bounces back to you.

13. God will fight your battles for you.

14. No one can curse you. The only one who can curse you is you.

15. When people curses you, God turns that curse into a blessing.

16. Nothing remains small in God's Big Hands.

what would i tell myself if i could go back? -mathew hussey

1) Take risks

Try new things. We’re always going to be able to talk about the things we did, but never able to talk about the things we didn’t do.

We tend to carry on in school the way we started. It’s easy for an identity to be created by the way that other people see us. Don’t let yourself get pigeon-holed.

2) Be careful who you’re trying to impress

There are people right now (whether consciously or unconsciously) you’re trying to impress.

Be very careful about this.

If you could see where these people were going to be in ten years time, I guarantee you would re-evaluate who you’re trying to impress.

3) Trying to get invited to the party doesn’t get you invited to the party

One of my big insecurities in school was wondering whether or not I’d be invited to parties.

Being invited to parties is the byproduct of being the type of person that other people want to spend time with.

Focus on being someone that other people love spending time with.

4) Ignore people’s first reactions

When we do something new, we fear people are going to look at us strangely.

People who get acceptance are the ones who don’t need it.

If there’s something you want to do, do it regardless of what others might think. When you ignore their reactions, you’ll get over the initial period of discomfort and to a point where they accept how you now are.

5) School can suck

A lot of school is doing things you don’t want to do.

Studying things you don’t want to study, hanging around people you don’t want to hang around, listening to teachers you don’t want to be around…

And a myth in life is that that all changes; that when you begin doing what you love, you’ll be able to stop doing things you don’t love.

Sadly, it doesn’t quite work like that.

I’ve found in my life that even though I do the thing I love more than anything else in the world, there are plenty of things I still have to do that aren’t things I love.

The art is finding a way to enjoy whatever it is you’re doing.

When you’re doing the things you don’t want to do, can you figure out new ways of enjoying doing those things?

If you can, you’re going to be happy for the rest of your life.

6) See everything as a stepping stone

Many people resent jobs they do because they don’t feel they’re getting them closer to where they want to be.

The most successful people I’ve met have done a number of different jobs that had nothing to do with where they ended up.

But rather than viewing these things as a waste of time, they saw everything as a stepping stone.

Don’t fret that right now you’re going into something that isn’t exactly where you want to be.

The wrong job before the job you’re passionate about can have been the right job at the time. The wrong job can be a blessing when it teaches you more about what you want and where you want to go.

7) Enjoy being young, but think like an adult

When you’re a teenager, people are trying to lay down all sorts of rules around you.

But an adult treating you like a kid doesn’t mean you have to rebel like a kid.

You can still make the smart choice, by doing what’s best for you.

Don’t rebel just because you want to get back at someone.

You need to go out and mess up. Just stay within the realm of making mistakes that you can recover from. Make mistakes that aren’t going to kill you or stop you from building the future you want to have.

----

how about me?  will leave the responses to that in a next blog.  maybe. :)

gratitude attitude part two

here at hd, awaiting for unhooking.  more time for bottomless internet!  hence, here is the second installment of the gratitude challenge.

Day 8: Transform an Ungrateful Thought

It is said that our mind thinks between 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts every day.

and a lot of these thoughts of mine are worrying thoughts.

so i want to displace them.

pick an ungrateful thought: jaytz is crazy.

i guess this is ungrateful because jaytz had a big hand of forming me into what i am and who i am right now.

so to twist it:  thank you Lord, that jaytz is trying to be better amidst his craziness.  

three things i am grateful for today:

1.  i got to eat ruffles, doritos, cheetos for free!

2.  i attended a weekend retreat and realized a lot of things!

3.  SMSB. :)

Day 9: Share something you are grateful for with someone!

i love life retreat is really great, i invited miss q to try it.

will invite negaR to the feast.  will do it now!

three things i am grateful for today:

1.  i got to talk to both my sisters and laugh about everything.

2.  i got mail from my family members, and the letters of my pamangkins were really, really funny!

3.  i am getting to go out to have dinner with the nephro qc friends!  eggzoited!

Day 10: give a gratuity tip

i usually do this, and will continue doing this!

three things i am grateful for today

1.  i got pf today!

2.  i was able to drink starbucks caramel macchiato in the cool weather for free thanks to my starbucks card!

3.  brother alvin of the feast was so funny, but spoke straight to my heart.

Day 11: taking things for granted

http://personalexcellence.co/quotes/1054
“We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude” ~ Cynthia Ozick

three things i take for granted:
1.  roof over my head (a mansion at that!)
2.  endless supply of food when i want it.
3.  jaytz
4.  parorkya ni edgar

what can i do to be more grateful to the previous items?
1.  clean limville - at least empty my stuff
2.  eat better food.
3.  say good morning to jaytz and edgar everyday.  wahahahahaha!

three things i am grateful for today:
1.  double pay today!

2.  GI people passed, 100%!

3.  pork barrel rally was safe.

day 12: taking action

three things i am grateful for today:

1.  i was able to go to confession and i feel good about that!

2.  i met a new mikey friend!
3.  the blog has an auto save function!  yay!  i did not lose what i wanted to type!

post weekend melt down

attended a retreat and feast last week, had a grand time.  grand, not really because i felt good all the way, but it was a weekend of epiphanies.  and revelations.  and mental mind games.  and family encounters.  crazy ones at that.  quotes by father that brought aha moments!  i wish i could write them all down.

ultimately though, at the end of it all, the most important thing is to let go.  and chat about it.  over skype.  and snores.

in the end, although one wants to help others, my wise room mate co retreatant told me "self interest muna!".  when i was younger, i viewed this as something selfish.

now, however, i view that as something selfless.  because you can't help others fully if you are not whole yourself.  and self love enables us to love others.

bring it on.  after i take care of myself. :)

getting back into the groove through a little gratitude

it has been a long time, my blog friend.

i forgot that i have this blog page, until i saw some notification ins SAFM that he has a new blog.  yes, my, my, my, its been a long time.

the real reason i remembered this blog is because this past year, i have been getting myself a lot of emails and newsletters regarding new age stuff: gratitude, positive thinking, and so on.  now, while my past self would have laughed at these things, i find that these new things are interesting and somehow put the weight off my shoulders.  hahahaha.  i was looking for a place i could post these gratitude entries...hence, i remembered my old blog!

i am subscribed to this personal excellence website.  i mean after 13 years of medical training and all the school after that, it's kind of easy to get lost with no instruction.  i found my reprieve online.  PE (personal excellence) has been sending challenges or activities to be done so i decided to try the gratitude challenge on this new blog.  unfortunately, i have had a backlog of 7 days, so i will try to catch up and document them here while the internet is fast here in the HD unit i am working in.

Day 0 - start a gratitude journal.  check!

Day 1 - write 10 things you are grateful for in life
1.  i am out of hellowship!
2.  my work is flexi time!
3.  i have friends!
4.  my dad and i are trying to have a good relationship!
5.  i have bottomless internet access during mondays and wednesdays!
6.  i really, really, really love my work!
7.  i have sisters, siblings that i am really close to!
8.  i never run out of food to eat!
9. i have salary that lets me buy things i want, like an Ipad mini!
10.  that i love my ipad mini!
11.  that i feel pretty with my perm!

Day 2 - give thanks for my food
i was reminded to pause before praying and pray my favorite pre meal prayer taught to me in my all girls school past: bless us oh lord, with these thine gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen!

three things i am grateful for today:
1.  i passed the nephro boards
2.  i have my cute pamangkins
3.  i have happy textmates!

Day 3 - write a gratitude note to someone
i wrote a gratitude text to someone who helped me claim my license.  and we had a really, really, really great lunch that i was happy about.  i do think that i say thank you a lot, and for that i am happy.  :)

will do so now for my closest friends who remain in the med!  these are anj, queen and wil

hi anj! i hope that research is going well. anyway, just to drop a short line saying thanks so much for all the sanity in the middle of the insanity i am constantly part of! call it the senti bug, but i guess i really miss our constant goings out in the middle of the bagyo. hope we can get together soon!

hi queenie! wala lang, i am into this 14 day gratitude challenge, and one of the challenges is to write a gratitude letter to one of my friends. bilang baduy, at bilang matitiis mo ito, i would just want to say thank you for being such a constant friend and for keeping me sane in all the weirdness. i guess time has a way of telling me na magiging friends na talaga tayo forever. sa kasal ko, isa kang MOH ha! i hope that you get everything that you deserve because you are really a great person. hahahahhaa. excited to see you at the feast on sunday!

hi wil! i just read your blogs, and as such, i read my blog too. i started a new gratitude part, may isang challenge, ikaw ang andun. just thanks for all the years of katatawanan, anatomy group mate ness and everything. na senti ako sa part where i read the subway. i hope we can do it again soon. meet up!

three things i am grateful for today:
1.  i have cellular phone to keep in touch with people
2.  i was able to eat sbarro white cheese pizza
3.  i have a car and i can travel around
4.  i threw a surprise bridal shower party and sang my heart out for a friend today, and i think everyone thought it went well!
5.  i got to see a stripper for the first time in my life!

Day 4 - reflect on the meaning of gratitude
gratitude for me means being grateful, giving thanks, or acknowledging the cosmos for the blessings i have received.
it is important because it opens up the brighter side of things, makes me feel lucky, and takes the weight off my shoulders.  i think it is a key that opens me up to more blessings. :)

three things i am grateful for today:
1.  i was able to attend the feast with Jayne and have a short time chatting with them
2.  i had enough earnings to tithe
3.  i was able to have dinner with dad and mike in the expensive resto without having to get into an argument. :)  and i think dad had fun. :)

Day 5 - Identify the three things you like about your adversary
I rarely have any adversaries in my life, but one person i often have a difficult time with ever since i was young was my dad.  i choose him.

three things i like about my dad:
1.  he helped make me who i am:  my education, etc.  i will always honor him for that.
2.  he is very intelligent
3.  he is thoughtful.

there was a bit of resistance when i noted these things, but they are true and i cannot object to them.  goes to show that there is really some good in people.

three things i am grateful for today:
1.  i got to spend time with sisses in tagaytay to attend rory's wedding and it was a lot of fun.
2.  i was able to sleep in during the weekend
3.  i have ken, my overseas mentor friend who helps me in christ. :)

Day 6 - Give thanks for my life

1. People and external/higher powers responsible for your physical birth (and as a result, your life).
2. Anyone and anything who have helped make you the person you are today and directly or indirectly brought you to where you are in life today

thank you god, that i may draw closer to you every day.
thank you mom, dad, and inay for bringing me to this world.  also super lolo and super lola and super itay.
thank you to my sisters, their families which help shape me.
thank you to mike. for challenging me.
thank you to all my mentors in MC, all the mentors in UP Diliman and UP CM.
thank you to my colleagues outside PGH, for teaching me of a new life here in QC, for helping me start practice.
thank you to my friends for keeping me sane.
thank you for my residents for teaching me medical and non medical things which are important.
thank you for my patients for continually keeping me on my toes.
thank you for those who have just come and gone, but left their mark on me whether it be my personal life or career life.

three things i am grateful for today
1.  that i can sing
2.  we got wicked tickets!
3.   that for the first time in a long time, i feel happy talaga.  weird.


Day 7 - Give thanks for myself
i am grateful for the job i do, i am grateful that i think i am a nice person, i am grateful that i no longer think of myself as a push over, i am grateful that i think i have a bit more self love.   far cry from 2012.  i guess i am grateful for me because i feel like i have been rebuilt and that i am happy.  and i care less of what other people think.  and i like that.  I am comfortable with myself
i am grateful for being me because i can make choices and i think that i have a great capacity to love and to be good.  :)

three things i am grateful for today:
1.  i started cleaning out my room
2.  i can transfer to my other room
3.  i was able to buy two pairs of shoes for the upcoming wedding!
4.  i started meditation and it helps me go to sleep

5. an old patient i missed complimented me that i looked thinner and congratulated me that i passed the nephro board exam!

6.  i saw wils blog and it made me laugh!

7.  i am more comfortable with being feminine.

8.  i have happy textmates.  ;)

9.  that i was able to help a family in tawitawi via sis virgie.

10.  we did not get flooded

11.  holiday last monday, today, and this coming monday!  increased pay!

til the next installment.  :)