Panic-elya versus Living in Trust

Reflection: When things go wrong, do you panic or do you trust?

I used to panic all the time.  I guess it was because i was a control freak.  Or maybe because i always used to have something or someone breathing down my neck.

Then i graduated from training.

And let go of everything i don't want to do.

Right now, everyday is an effort to trust.  

Maybe because everyday is different.

And brings the unknown.

Trust.

And it pays off.

After moments of extreme sweating and fear, one is forced to let go because you have done everything that you can. 

And then it happens.  The things i used to run after that eluded me comes in such abundance.  It is much like Niagara falls level of flow breaking through a dam.

Whether it is compliments for a job well done or a gift you have given others.

Or patients.

Or opportunities.

Or friends catching up.

Or financial gifts.

Or kind words.

Such is the ebb and flow of the need to control and the strength to trust.

Good thing I am commonly with people who are in the same boat as I.  I see the trusting folk living in the same uncertainty but being rewarded with gifts.  so i release a little and let go.  and have faith.

One thing I am purely happy about this week is this realization:  Thank God I am being paid to do what I do.  

Yes, i may not necessarily get as much as others do. 

But i wake up to every day with pleasure.  :)